Watching her make dinner or love on the baby and commented on how beautiful she looked? Are you developed intellectually, are you interesting, are you alive and vibrant with ideas and energy? If she never responds, well, then you have a problem, Houston. But at least look at yourself and say, if I were her, would I want to have sex with me? Thompson September 5, Reply. It kind of matches my post from last month: I would like to add to this Amy. How about having clean hands and a clean penis.
Do you know how many infections a woman gets because of this? Men touch their penis to pee with dirty hands then without washing himself off wants to have sex with a woman???? My man will say before he starts touching me. He knows these are the magic words that make me instantly ready!! This may seem like over kill, but if a man had to suffer through a bladder or yeast infection he would make sure he was clean!! Omg, Sherry this is a great point!
I wonder, why it takes me so long?????? Ci September 24, Reply. Thompson September 25, Reply. Jeanetta February 9, Reply. Walu February 23, Reply. Sergio April 17, Reply. Sherry September 24, Reply. Women experience sex as intimacy as well. To say there is a huge difference between men and women in this regard is not understanding that some men are good at making sex an intimate loving experience and some are not.
My husband didnt know how things were supposed to work because he was raised in a very conservative christian private school and never had sex ed. Combine that with ED and PE and you have a very unfulfilling experience for the wife. Then because of pornography he thinks that alternate forms of sex…rather than the way God intended it…should be the answer rather than dealing with his inadequacies.
I am sure my experience is not unusual. I had sex with my husband twice when he was asking for a divorce, hoping to spark intimacy. Eventhough we had a great experience, he still wanted me to move out. This is how some christian men are. Angela February 28, Reply.
My marriage is the complete opposite of this. I feel like the man in the relationship! I would like to have sex every day, or at least every other day, but I am often turned down. I am out of ideas to fix it!
I shower every day, I work out, I cook, I clean, and work a full-time job outside of our home. I would want to have sex with me! Thompson February 28, Reply. Angela, thanks for reading and for the comment. You are not alone. After writing this post, I had so many women contact me that I wrote another post. I hope it is helpful: Thank you for your prompt response.
I read the article and I think it is probably number 3. Thanks for your writing, and I really appreciate reading about the healthy relationship you have with your wife.
It gives me hope! Rebekah November 5, Reply. Thompson November 5, Reply. While I think it is very possible to live a happy and productive life with celibacy, I do think the opportunity for appropriate sexual expression and in marriage the actuall command of God to nourish a healthy sexual relationship makes it a top priority.
Sam January 25, Reply. When I lived a celibate life all but two of my 28 years prior to marriage to be quite frank, I had singular focus not to have a sexual relationship to be fully engaged with Christ and His direction, His affection, His time, without considering the needs of another nor the intimacy, especially in that depth. Once you have created oneness with your spouse, you continually desire to remain that way, intimate, vulnerable, connected, but outside of physical oneness…well, lets just say something is missing which I believe is by intent.
There is also an attraction…could be pheromones, could be just an attraction when you sleep next to your wife each night as well. Its just not worth losing another night of sleep which I can do nothing to remedy. Life is very different after marriage, 6 children, and a very busy life. For those believing its simply a shower, courting, a real kiss, time away, lack of connection outside of this aspect, weight gain, poor connection with Christ, wants beyond reasonable expectation I can clearly say….
Sometimes the weight of the world is just an even greater match. Feeling Lost June 12, Reply. Sex feels like a chore to me. Then when I get mad and tell him no it makes me feel bad. It has to lead to sex every single time. Thompson June 14, Reply. I would find a good marriage counselor to assist you both through this issue. Ideally, you could negotiate plenty of non-sexual touch in the same way I often help couples negotiate sexual touch.
This is a real big problem between men and women in intimate relationships. This is a very hot topic that has to be addressed and compromises made. Flirting, touching and teasing throughout the time you are able to spend together helps ignite the passion and start the fire! So, being the wife, with the responsibility, you give in, at first to please your man, but when its this way day after day, month after month….
Sherri October 3, Reply. Sex has become a chore to me now. I feel like I have made the ultimate mistake by putting so much into this relationship. I want a relationship God will honor. Bob December 19, Reply. The finding has the potential to help couples, the researchers said. Joy January 28, Reply. I really get it. I get it because I am the one being rejected. No—I always say yes. I am, in fact, a warm wife. Being sexually rejected is not some sort of pain unique to men.
Evidently more and more women are complaining of rejection lately. Maybe what these cold women need to hear is that there are plenty of women out there ready to go, so they need to step it up. Scarlett Languini January 28, Reply. I am a woman but I am having this same problem with my male partner.
I fail to comprehend how someone feels they have the right to trap you into monogamy and then refuse to have any kind of sexual relationship with you — and when I mean any it is in a literal sense — not diminished sex life zero sex life. Thompson January 28, Reply. Scarlett, I do believe you have a right to sex. Jen February 3, Reply. Everything listed here is me…. Its like roles are reversed. I cant be the only one…. Kevin, I have really enjoyed your blog the past few days after finding it on familyshare.
I have found your writings interesting and pretty relative to agree with, until I came upon this one! For some reason this one has struck a nerve and is borderline to pissing me off! Chris July 6, Reply. NotReallyMe, I have read many of your comments.
However, my understanding is irrelevant. I realize you posted a few months ago, but if you happen back on this site, I want you to know someone has prayed for you and your marriage today. Frank April 11, Reply. When my wife and, I were dating we made a pact that we would abstain from sex until married. This was not an easy task for me since I was not a virgin, and she was. There were moments when sh wanted to give herself to me, but I resisted, and there were also times when I was getting to passionate, and she needed to resist.
After 7 years of dating, and resisting the desire to tear each other clothes off we married. I was so excited, but then everything was not as I thought, we did pre-marital counseling, and one thing that stood out from the meeting was what our idea of sex.
I love women who are the following:. It seems that my wife treats sex like a chore, and not a desire. Brenda May 16, Reply. I have rejected my husband for years. We dated for 6 years and have been married for almost two. He told me he was not happy with me and that this is why. Since then I went to see a counselor and realized that I never felt pleasure from sex because of my association of pleasure with feeling dirty due to childhood abuse.
What else can I do? Thompson May 17, Reply. It sounds as though you have looked at yourself, recognized your own issues, and worked on them. Brenda, I doubt many women understand how deeply it wounds a man to be turned down by his wife, even if they have read it and understand the words. I would also encourage you to continue to reach out to your husband.
It is likely that his heart will soften and the bitterness that he is likely holding onto will eventually begin to fade. If he is willing, Christ can give him a renewed excitement about your marriage. I hope you will be encouraged to know that statistics show that marriages that work through the tough obstacles are likely to become more satisfying and healthier than when things were easier before those obstacles appeared. Im a woman and i feel the exact same when my partner regularly rejects me.
Sometimes after a rejection he rolls over and falls asleep while i lay awake my heart pounding so hard it hurts. Tears streaming down my face i feel so many negative things all at once. Unworthy, not good enough, disgusting, jelousy of my girlfriends sex life stories, unsatisfied, frustrate, alone, angry and spiteful, hate anxiety.
I understand compromise and ynderstanding is key. We cant get what we want all the time but its destroying my self esteem happiness and our relationship. I honestly need sex sometimes to bond us back romanticly.
But he isnt interested. Makes me want to cheat to be honest but i know deep down i wouldnt enjoy it because in my heart id be wishing it was my partner loving my body and not anybody else. Im really at breaking point. Morgan July 21, Reply. I would LOVE for my husband to want to touch me in any way, shape, or form. After an affair, he has yet to respond to anything I do.
Blames it on me. Maria August 4, Reply. My husband rejected me sexually for years. I was a normal and healthy woman, LONGING for good sex, yet he put me down, told me I wad a nympho and a sick dirty wacko abd to go to q doctor to solve it.
He hurt me every day with his rejection. I saw how much he loathed me in his eyes. Eventually I stopped asking for sex abf looking for his embrace, knowing he loved me in other ways but he simply despised me in bed. I know I would have made a wonderful and sexy wife for a man, a very good wife, but life thought otherwise for me. Life gave me a loser for a husband and made me a loser as well. He looks like a yihadist to my eyes. I just hope I die soon. Canlovethatslostbefound September 21, Reply.
I have sex with my husband almost everyday. I was happy for a while, after a cheating scandal two years ago. Now I have learned that he is trying to contact other women again for the past year. He has taken a liking to some of my family members and old friends in pictures if you catch my drift.
As I confronted him to this devastating action, he feels distraught, ashamed, and embarrassed. Any tips to my problem? Or am I hopeless?
Thompson September 21, Reply. The two of you need help to get through this. His issues have very little to do with you or your sex life. There is probably a cycle of addiction, shame, and guilt at play.
He needs to learn how to cope properly and to deal with the real issues which he is trying to deal with through sex. Felicia November 4, Reply. My husband is the one who rejects me.
I hate reading most of the comments from the article , I see a lot of woman or wives are the same as my husband. I guess we took on reverse roles. We were made to be one and enjoy each other in a way no one else gets to. It brings the bond of love closer! And it sure does feel personal when someone in a marriage is being rejected! I love that idea of a 24 hr rule.
Lordhealmymarriage November 7, Reply. How does a wife freely give her body to her husband, when she is living in an abusive marriage? Sex is very important to my husband, as you mentioned. However, he is not bonded with me. We have been married tor 40 years. Our first 32 years were awesome. I find it hard to give me body to my husband when it does not feel like he really loves me. Thompson November 7, Reply.
I would say you need to seek counseling immediately. Fan December 13, Reply. I think most people starts out great, then things change as time goes by. Men and women are faced with every day problems whether it be work issue, financial issue, under too much stress family problems and so on. People can get unhealthy under these circumstances. So it is very important to balance life, and form good living habits.
This is important because only by taking care of ourselves first, can we care for our spouse. My wife and I started out great too, until she started college two years ago. English was a second language for her so it was even more difficult for her. She started taking 4 classes per semester and she really worn herself out quickly. I started getting rejected for sex more and more, and boy I certainly felt the pain.
I do the house work, cook the dinner and get the grocery every week, but in the end she did nothing to change after two years. We ended up damaging our relationship because of fights and argument over time. Right now she told me she would only take 2 classes next semester, but I had lost that trust in her and I too hope she realize what she was sacrificing is far more important than anything in the world.
From this I hope to convey the message that family is always more important than anything else. Learn to balance life, take care of our own and take care of our spouse will form the basis of a happy family. When people get their priority wrong and hurt their family, nothing else will go well. Everything flourish on the basis of a successful family.
No matter what happens out there, the feeling of knowing you got a warm home and spouse to go back to every day is priceless. I hope any new couples would understand this and do everything you can to hold on to that great feeling you started with and maintain it every single day. Red February 19, Reply. My wife and I recently went through a conflict about her reading romance. For a long time I encouraged it because there was a fire in the bed room.
I felt desired because we both talked about, initiated, and had amazing intimate sex. God reviled that it was something that needed to go and we had a very rough 3 months. We have since grown from it and she proudly admits that it was wrong and she loves me too much to read about other people. However, sin the last 5 months she has initiated sex twice. Rejected me multiple times and is convinced that nothing has changed.
I feel very broken and, though we have talked about how it makes me feel and she has said she understands, nothing has changed. The risk is too great to try anymore. I no longer want to initiate anything.
I feel like I am never going to be what she wants and everything and everyone will always take priority over me. I have pored affection out on her, I have taken her on elaborate dates, I have bent over backwards to show her how much I love her not just to get sex but because I genuinely love her and I want her to see and feel that.
I will never leave her but my interest in intimacy is dying. Once you KNOW how someone feels, making no effort is just not caring. Thompson February 19, Reply. Lisa March 16, Reply. Picture a Venn diagram. You know, two overlapping ovals. There is a space where they overlap. The overlap is small but the ovals are the same size. Our culture has taken make sexuality and defined it as sexuality. But venture there anyway. Men are not more sexual than women. Thompson March 17, Reply. Adam April 17, Reply.
From my perspective, these discussions often omit the elephant in the room: The Bible says what it says. Still, in a modern world unlike the Biblical one, where people no longer marry at puberty but wait until their mid 20s or 30s, the upshot is that you are asking them to spend a decade or more of their prime sexual maturity in self-imposed celibacy.
What is natural for the prepubescent child takes a boatload of mental discipline and social conditioning for an adult. As ye sow, so shall ye reap! One slow afternoon, Florence Weintraub, the inevitable Hot Babe essential to the beginning of practically any classic P. Even though she's twenty-six years old, her father allows her absolutely no freedom whatsoever and has her accompanied wherever she goes by two goons who are allegedly there to protect her.
She'd just like a couple of hours to herself, she says. Could Jake possibly help her lose the two thugs? Well, of course he can, for twenty-five bucks a day plus expenses. And when the lovely Florence agrees to the terms, one thing inevitably leads to another. Florence is very attracted to Jake and once they finally elude her guardians, they go out to dinner, which Jake naturally adds to the expense account.
Other more interesting activities accompany the dinner, and Florence insists that she'd like to see Jake again the following day. Complications ensue and poor Jake soon finds himself entangled in a mess he never envisioned when he accepted Florence's seemingly simple assignment.
It's an engaging story with plenty of Willeford's deadpan humor and enough action to propel the story forward at a fairly rapid clip. While not quite on a par with some of Willeford's better known books, it's still a fun read and will appeal especially to those who have read and enjoyed the author's other work.
I think this book went out of copyright in Of course Sergeant Detective Ernest Tone should be a dead giveaway, as should art collector and hotel denizen Jefferson Davis and his estranged and deranged boyfriend Freddy Allen. The "nervous" jazz trio made up of accoridan, guitar, and bongos that plays "I got it bad, and that ain't good" ten times in a row, dinner at the Seal House to mention a few are further outrageous incidents played completely deadpan.
It should be clear that Willeford is sending up the noir genre, and James M. But the violence is also deadpan. Maybe this is part of the satire, or maybe the graphic beatings and shootings were part of what the paperback readers wanted most the sex, on the other hand, remains sketchy. At any rate, it is jarring. One person found this helpful. See all 12 reviews. Most recent customer reviews.
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